Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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