All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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