The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
