he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
