YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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