Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
