Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
