The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
