ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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