Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
