Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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