So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
