is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
