I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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