i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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