Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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