Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
as a side note pls kill me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
