No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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