we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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