And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
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