Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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