If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
