Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
