she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
