At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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