Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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