you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
