please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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