oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
