Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
