i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
