Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
