Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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