You're so nebulous sometimes
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
