i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
