I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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