I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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