I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
