i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
