I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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