Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He better not be in your backpack
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
