i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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