singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
