Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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