he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
