No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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