I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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