her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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