I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
