end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
